「交換學生Day78」- 對於自己的逃避感到失望，但是也對於自己的勇敢面對感到欣慰

跟我很熟的人都知道，我一向是以逃避現實聞名，所以才會有鴕鳥這個綽號。

anyway，我整個夜晚都在與speech奮鬥，因為我到了很晚很晚才決定我究竟要做哪個主題，想好主題之後又要自己想我的guest speaker是誰，對於演講所抱持的態度，越簡單越好，只要我講的順我真的都不求什麼精彩度，畢竟我也只是個交換學生。

人到了壓力很大的時候就會變得很憂鬱很感性，我也是。在這個無奈的夜晚裡，我想家人，想朋友，想男朋友，想回家，想回台灣，想窩在我熟悉的舒適圈，吃著媽媽煮的菜，切的水果，和爸媽躺在沙發上看電視，聊聊天，偶爾不小心睡著，再揉揉眼睛快速沖個澡回房間繼續睡。

在這種時刻，常常問自己為什麼安逸的生活不要，要來這裡接受這麼多挑戰，but I realize that I will be mature, I will grow up, and I have to grow up.我覺得我不該是那樣的平凡，不想和一般人過這一樣的日子一樣的生活，我喜歡挑戰，雖然要背負的是一些重量，但我想我可以撐得住的。交換的日子就像是在爬一座一座的山，Exams, assignments, speeches, essays這些是一座一座的山，只要每跨過一個，換來的就是輕鬆的好幾天。我喜歡美國生活的日子，幾天為了一件事情而努力，一旦完成的就party幾天來慶祝，有種先苦就真的有後甘的感覺，但常常很容易play too much而忘了要work hard，總覺得自己敷衍的成分總是多一些。

anyway有的時候其實身體不累，但是一看到時間就自然感覺很累了，記得自己似乎昏昏沈沈睡了一兩小時，又繼續完成我的稿，當然綸綸這時候又會對我伸出援手來幫助我了，所以就在他幫我找些資料還有我的拼湊之下，我的講稿出來了。

         Good afternoon ladies and gentleman. Thank you for coming this afternoon. Thank you for being present. I have been eagerly anticipating today for months. Like many of you, I recognize that the opportunity to hear our speaker in person is a rare and extremely valuable opportunity. She is known to every family and household, best known as the author of the Harry Potter fantasy series. Jo Rowling, pen name J.K Rowling, is the most famous female writer in recent years. In February 2013 she was ranked as the 13th most powerful woman in the United Kingdom by Woman's Hour on BBC. Her life turned to the bright side when the Harry Porter books got worldwide attention. From 1990-1997 , in this 7-year-period, she faced the death of her mother, divorced with her first husband and poverty till she finished "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone", her first novel in this series. After that she wrote other six books in the series. The series has sold more than 400 million copies and they have become the best selling books in history. In 2004, Forbes named Rowling as the first person to become a U.S.-dollar billionaire by writing books. She got the idea of Harry Porter series on a delayed train to London in 1990. An idea extremely changes her whole life. From the in-class exercise of last week we realize that creativity is an important part of public speaking. A good story can make a speech more impressive. But how to become creative? What can we do to improve our imagination? So today, as a author of a well-known creative magic fiction, she is going to teach us how to inspire our imagination. It is a pleasure for me to present this introduction for her, speaking to you today, about the imaginative power. Please give an energetic welcome to our speaker for the class, J.K Rowling.

寫完這份講稿大概是早上七八點的事情了，我想我有很努力在背著，但是心裡面一種逃避的心態實在太強烈了，導致於背一背就昏睡（又或許是因為太累了），我一直感覺有一個聲音再跟我說：欸，背不起來啦，不要演講啦，不想演講啦，後我就是不想演講嘛！

但我還是持續的昏迷、醒來、背，而且我找到一個很白痴的方法，我把稿子copy到google翻譯，想說請他念這樣我在睡覺之中也可以聽的有印象，殊不知我根本沒聽到一半就睡著，醒來在播放，就這樣重複了七八遍，我終於意會到時間真的不多了，演講課是三點，我得趕緊把稿子背熟才行。下了床，繼續背著，寫了可以帶上台的note。

時間跳著來到兩點了，剩下最後的時間，其實是背起來了，只是講得零零散散，停頓的時間大概都可以有個三四秒，但想想時間真的不多，決定先換衣服到教室附近在繼續背。

兩點半，來到了教室附近外的沙發上坐著，默背著，此時發現，我根本根本，沒有辦法好好的repeat一遍，腦袋停在第一句開頭就開始想著：怎麼辦剩下不到半小時了，我背不起來，我沒有辦法

就是這樣damn shit我根本沒辦法好好靜下心來背，後來決定直接看著稿子念個幾遍看留在腦海裡印象會不會深一些，可是我發現根本沒有辦法，我一個字都記不住，連原本的都不記得了（但我想其實叫我真的上台我可以，只是句子講的零零散散，句子和句子中間停頓五六秒，絕對不允許自己也不敢以這樣的方式上台），然後三點了，老師經過了，同學經過了，大家紛紛進教室，我依舊用著流滿手汗的手讀著講稿，我後悔為什麼不早點開始用，開始後悔自己萬聖節玩得太多結果該做的本分一點都沒做好，就這樣我一直待在教室外，我怕被人發現，我走到了角落蹲坐在地上，繼續背著講稿，我想著是不是如果我再花個三十分鐘背好然後剛好可以catch上其實這樣應該就沒這麼嚴重了總比缺課好，所以我努力在背，努力再看，但是我的腦袋依舊一片空白，有一個很強烈很想耍白爛的腦袋一點都不配合，好像在堅持的我就是不要今天幫你記我就是不要今天演講的感覺。

Rayan這時經過問我hey Jamie what are you doing here? I told him that I supposed to have a speech now but I can't remember the content that I'm going to deliver so I'm not dare to go into the classroom. 

And when this words came out from my mouth I start to tear, but I just don't want anyone to see it. (I try to type this in Eng cuz I don't want my parents to see this)

然後Rayan就走了，我繼續背著我的稿。

然後隱隱約約，大概是二十幾分鐘過後吧，我看見了同學們走出教室的影子，然後我知道everything is over，我有幾種選擇，一種是繼續逃避，回到宿舍，然後shoot an email to the prof.告訴她我背不起來然後告訴她原因，另一種是編了個生病的故事，當然還有另一種就是直接進去教室（因為我想老師應該是最後走的），而這個也是我一開始最想要的打算，我想了很久，但是我的腳步在慢慢的往教室移動，貼著牆有點像小偷的在想著要不要過去，要怎麼說，還是乾脆趕快跑掉。

and finally, I just came into the classroom. The prof. is surprised to see me, and I just said that "I'm really sorry prof. I'm not dare to came into the classroom because....." actually when I said the word sorry I started to cry, and the prof. just shocked and tell me that I don't have to cry because some students even not come to deliver the speech. She said that she saw me outside before the class but I was not in the classroom so she felt weird. And I told her that when I came to the class before 30 mins I found that I almost forgot every words that I want to say. But I didn't tell her that I started to prepare for it from yesterday, in stead, I told her that I have been prepare for it for two days but I don't know why this time it's so difficult to me to remember it. I knew I'm lying but I have no choice.

總之老師聽了我的情況就幫我想了一些可以解決的辦法，像是怎麼準備啊什麼的，然後告訴我不要緊張，因為其實大家都會緊張，老實也拿自己的例子來安慰我這樣，認真的覺得老師是個非常好的人，然後經過的和老師的談話之後我也覺得這件事情沒有這麼嚴重了。

老師說我的成績不會被取消，禮拜三再發表就可以了，另外如果需要的話可以先講給老師聽，可以在office hour或是如果無法配合可以在約出來都沒有關係，老師真的太善良...再三謝謝老師之後就離開教室，但此時心情還是非常不穩定，很想罵罵自己。

anyway，我很慶幸自己有進去跟老師談，因為我覺得這樣總比用email態度好上太多，但也是因為自己的不負責任還有不努力所造成的，然後這就成就了我的第一次曠課....難得我在這裡還沒缺過課就這樣被毀了，never mind.

got a letter today :) so happy.

總之今天是鴕鳥心態發揮到極致的一天，希望以後不會再這樣了。

然後希望後天的speech能夠順利，要不然就真的太爛了。